All You Need is…well, Respect Actually

John Lennon, bless his cotton socks, was wrong. Love isn’t all we need. Not collectively anyway.

Though not for want of trying, I can’t think of a single person who didn’t love something or someone at sometime. No matter how terrible some individuals may have been, their lives will not have been without love. Not so, with respect.

That is what keeps us a cohesive society. Not the fact that we love our families, but that we respect the families of others. Even, no especially, when we may have little or no reason to love them. Love thy neighbour? No thanks. But what’s the problem with that? When is harm to others ever caused by the absence of love? By contrast, the absence of respect causes, at best, the edge to be taken off our day. At worst, unimaginable suffering. Even death.

And haven’t we been spoilt for choice of late!? Whether we look at the plethora of aggressions found in our cities, or whether we can summon the courage to peek through our fingers at the international scene, there is no shortage of examples to choose from.

That’s the trouble with disrespect, it’s contagious. “It wasn’t just me. He did it as well”, may still cut it in the school playground (the primary school playground) but isn’t it a little disconcerting when we witness adults, groups, and in some cases whole societies doing it?

I suspect the internet has a hand in this. If you wouldn’t say it to his face, don’t say it on the net, maybe very sound advice. But this is increasingly the opposite of what we actually witness.

“Watch woke snowflake getting destroyed by rational argument!” or conversely, “Flag shagging gammon gets put in place!” Or variants thereof. Destroyed? Put in place? Really? There seems to be a pattern here. A formula if you will: Very stupid person (with an opposing view to mine) is corrected by the brilliant mind (that agrees with me)!

But are they really very stupid? And are we, for that matter, really all that brilliant? Would it not, upon sober reflection, be more accurate to say something along the lines of, “Counter argument, to a person with views that are different to mine, made rather loudly”? But where’s the fun in that? Or, seemingly more importantly these days: where are the likes and shares gonna come from?

Isn’t this really what it’s all about? Writing our headlines to solicit the most numerous and intense responses? Regardless, of course, of the harm that it may bring to others. And let’s have no bones about this: the relentless barrage of I’m right, you’re wrong is going to get you down. It is harmful. It’s harmful whether you passively sit there and take it on the chin or if, far less advisedly, you return the favour in kind.

All of which seems to have created a nether world of echo chambers, living off half-truths and twisted logic. And if you can’t manage to put even a semi-coherent argument together – there’s always shouting. Ah yes, shouting: the louder the noise, the more passionately held the view. And if you really want to show you care, take up the extreme position and then shout it out. Shout it out for all you’re worth!

After all, you don’t want to end up like one of those wishy-washy moderates. With their annoying habit of listening when the other person is speaking. And then – before they can even be bothered to blurt out some angry repost – reflecting on what was said to them. Anyone would think they were actively trying to understand the other person’s point of view! Where would that get us, eh?

And there’s the point. The boo boys on the left and the boo boys on the right want us to think they are the main players in this game. But they are merely shouting from the terraces. It’s the moderates who are on the field. Doing the work. Listening and learning. Thinking and discussing. These are the people making the difference. So, let’s not confuse lack of volume with lack of passion. It is a demonstration of great passion that we are able to sit quietly and listen to views that may be quite at odds with our own. And we don’t do so out of love. We do so out of respect.